Steph's Ramblings

iiinteresting

2005-05-09T04:50:23Z

zzzzzzzzz

2005-05-02T03:10:22Z

"I'm here to report..she had some cadillac pussy, man it would drive you wild"
Sorry, I love this song.

So Wednesday is my last final unless I decide to take my saturday one. Not sure about that yet
but since I'll be here saturday anyway, I may end up taking it. But officially I'm moving
home on wednesday at 8 AM and I'm semi-excited. Home is just so boring now.
BUT I'll be starting my job with the DNR on the 10th, and that will be keeping me insanely
busy and sufficiently wealthy (10.16/hr....that's pretty good for me) so hopefully I can
pay off my credit cards and still save enough money to pay my rent next year.

Interesting night last night...eric was drunk by 7 pm (in other words, he was gropy and
flirtatious...this is what gets us in trouble...a LOT). We played some games, then went bowling
at 11:30 til 2:30 AM. Great times...I actually did pretty well! We had a blast. Then we came back
and played more games til 5:30...we all got into a fight...I left around 6 and came home to
study chemistry til 4 when Joe (*sigh*) came to pick me up and take me to a fish fry at his
friends' house. We watched Euro Trip (hilarious movie) and then took off. He came into my dorm
to help me figure out something with my chem grade..I walked him back out to his truck, and he
was SO cute. He has pink eye, so he was afraid to kiss me but he said "I really want to kiss you
but I don't want to give you what I've got....actually nevermind, are you willing to risk it?" and
I just laughed and obviously kissed him cuz that was just so damn cute. He's such a
sweetheart...I wish he lived closer so I could see him this summer, but he lives 15 minutes from
Kentucky and we'll both be super busy with work and everything, so we probably won't see each
other much, if at all. It's sad. I finally find a good one (that's NOT married) and can't see him
for another 3 months.

Anyway I need to be studying right now. yeah right. I'll probably pass out. I'm on Doxycycline right now and it's making me really sick. Yeah yeah, I know what you're thinking....but you can stop judging. Everybody makes mistakes.

fall to pieces

2005-04-19T14:24:10Z

I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through

Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

Wanna know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means

Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything, everything

I'm in love with you
Cuz i'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you

life as a psycho

2005-04-06T19:58:28Z

Too much has gone on the past week for me to even want to bother posting about it.
I mostly just want to forget about it.
I'm quitting my job on thursday so I'll have my weekends free again. I really need that.

I ended up getting into IPFW so I need to go take my math placement test...
and i also got the job with the DNR working on their EAB project. I'll be doing 30% secretarial work and
70% field work. I can definitely live with that.
I'm just feeling really depressed and really down lately with all that's been going on.
My head and my heart are getting tangled up and leaving me just totally perplexed, uncertain,
and hurting. I don't know what to do about anything that's going on and it's really taking it's
toll on my health...I know that makes me sound really old or like a hypochondriac or something,
but I'm just seriously drained.
But who cares

the trouble with love is it can tear you up inside

2005-03-31T04:12:54Z

So today I took eric to get his tracker fixed...went out to breakfast w/ him and nicole...took her to Ivy Tech to hand in a paper (she decided not to go to class..big surprise)..chilled for awhile. Went to a class that I forgot was cancelled..and then went FISHING!!!! Problem? Wind and lack of an off-roading vehicle to get to a good site. However, I did realize that today was my "so, can you handle my kids?" test..I think I did well. Nicole was along too, but she wasn't being mom-ish, or maybe she was just being an exasperated mom. Anyway, what did I do? I took the opportunity to prove my momability. I think I impressed him and I absolutely adore his children. (they love me too. :) ) We had a lot of fun today..we played around and just had a great time. As of now I'm covered in worm guts, have a hook-injury in my ear (kids can't cast very well) and have been used as a human napkin all day (cheetos, salsa, cheese dip, drool..whatever). I loved every minute of it. :)
I can't wait to have a family of my own.
Ok so it's shower time.

can't get up, don't wanna get up

2005-03-28T18:03:24Z

After lunch with my family yesterday, I went over to Eric & Nicole's for the rest of the day. Nicole and I were doing homework and we grilled out and watched TV and whatnot. Then Josh came over and we decided to watch a Hallmark type movie on TV. I was freezing to death and couldn't even feel my toes, so Eric, the human heater got a blanket and cuddled with my feet for awhile. While I was buried up to my eyeballs under the blanket, and so was he, he took my hand. I know that seems pretty dumb, but what made me kind of scared is that he was really engrossed in the movie, so at first he didn't even know he did it. But the movie was about this guy who lost his wife and child in a car accident because she had a heart attack while she was driving...blah blah. So the guy met this new girl and wanted to get married, and the girl was pregnant, but he wasn't ready for that...whatever. Anyway everytime someone on TV would say something like, "don't you want to start over fresh with someone you love and start a new life?" he would squeeze my hand really hard..but when i would look at him, he was still just staring at the TV. That made me think it's a subconscious thing and that's what scares me. I think he really feels that way. It's not just an act. What the hell am I supposed to do? He's all I think about constantly and just looking at him gives me butterflies so bad I almost puke.
My head is telling me to run the other direction as fast as I can, but my heart isn't letting me.
I'm so disgusted at what a selfish, self centered, inconsiderate bitch I am. I am totally devoid of any sort of regard for anyone else's situation. The bad thing is that I KNOW this, but I'm still so fucking selfish that I'm not willing to change.

song of the day:
"I Can Love You Better" Dixie Chicks

She's got you wrapped up in her satin and lace.
Tied around her little finger.
She's got you thinkin' you can never escape.
Don't you know your heart's in danger.
There's a devil in that angel face.
If you could only see the love that you're wastin'

I can love you better that that.
I know how to make you forget her.
All I'm askin' is for one little chance.
Cause baby I can love you, baby I can love you better

I'm gonna break this spell she's got on you.
You're gonna wake up to find.
You're my desire my intentions are true
Hey babe I know it's time.
You're gonna see what you mean to me.
So open up your eyes cause seein' is believin'.

eyes as blue as tulsa skies

2005-03-27T05:37:23Z

I spent all day friday and all day today with Eric and Nicole. Yesterday we left around 2 to go get Hippy in Indy...a good lookin kid, lemme tell ya. Sweeter than sugar and a heart as big as Texas. We got back to eric's around 6 and Beam, Kirk, Hippy, Eric, Nicole and I all hung out and drank and whatnot. Hippy and I really hit it off, and we were really getting somewhere when he passed out at 9. My luck. Anyway, the last person left and Nicole went to bed around 12. Eric and I sat in the kitchen (we were both sober) talking until 3. We talked about him going off to Iraq, and I was trying to get him to see that there was no need for him to leave his kids and everything important to him to go over there, when individually he wasn't going to help, and nothing over there is ever going to change. He knew that. He started crying (something he NEVER does) and told me it was because he didn't want his son to have to go over. That moved us along to talking about him and Nicole. He doesn't love her. Never has. He said he's been looking for an excuse since the day they got married. I then told him that I refuse to be an excuse and if I see that happening, I'll run away so fast he'll never know what happened to me. He assured me that I'm not an excuse, and it would kill him if I ever pulled away from him. Then he took my hands, looked me straight in the eyes, and started crying again when he said, "and you can stop your fucking hardass act because I can see right through it. I know you care about me, and I know you care what happens with this situation, and I'm sick of you pretending you don't give a fuck." And that's the trouble. I do give a fuck. He does see right through me. He looked straight at me and flat out told me that he knows me better than I've ever allowed any man to know me before, and that scares me. And he's right. I don't let guys in because I've been hurt too much. So I told him that. He swore he'd never hurt me...I looked straight at him and told him that with the situation he and I are in, it's straight up inevitable that I'm going to get hurt at some point. I don't know how I let it get this out of hand..I honestly didn't think it was going to go this far. So, I told him how I feel about him...I never said the L-word, but I told him that I'm in too deep, and I can see myself getting seriously hurt in the not-so-distant future, and I was currently trying to figure out if his friendship is worth that hurt. I think I decided that it is. Because I might not have told him this, but I do love him. He's everything I've ever wanted, and he absolutely adores me. I've never been adored before..
He tells me I'm beautiful...kisses my forehead...hugs me (instead of groping me)...shows me off to his friends...
It might not sound like much, but to me it means the world. It's just bad fucking luck and irony.

blah

2005-03-21T18:52:24Z

I am sooo not happy to be back here. :( I left too many loose ends before I left for break that I'm trying to tie up now, only it's not working. Therefore, I have a lot of unsolvable problems that are already stressing me out.
On a happier note, I bumped my bio grade up to a 60% somehow, so that's good, because I was at a 40%.

Also, I don't think I ever wrote about the conference I went to a couple weeks ago, but to sum up...it was a blast.
I haven't had that much fun in a long time. Got to sit around and drink with professionals and professors, and talk
about stuff other than school. We stayed at a hotel like none other I've ever stayed at...I felt like a queen.
Had a multi-course meal complete with wine. That was pretty snazzy. I got to know the people in TWS a lot
better and got over my crush on "my future husband" as me and my friends call him. Also, I met some really cool people, and obtained a new best friend
(with benefits). He's so fun and we have a ton in common. He's like a male version of me, and we get along really
really well. I love him to death. I haven't had a good guy friend in a long, long time. so yay for me.

Anyway, I just talked to him on the phone for about an hour and he cheered me up so I'm gonna do some homework and go over there so he can cheer me up more before work. :)

uh oh

2005-03-06T15:12:33Z

Last night most definitely goes down as one of those "oh dear God what have I done" things. I HATE waking up and having the instant reaction of "FUCK!!!!"
Yeah. What makes things worse is I may have screwed up a really good new friendship. Hopefully not, I'm not quite sure yet. But there's definite potential for friendship ruining.
Also, I could also be in some more serious trouble, and i'm really not knowing what to do about it at this point. I really don't have an extra $40 to spend to get myself out of this dilemma and so I'm kinda freakin out over here.
aaauuuuuughhhhhh I get myself into more pickles.

Anyway, the TWS conference was one of the best experiences of my life..second only to the envirothon last year. It was so much fun and I learned so much and met tons of really awesome people. I'm really glad I went. I'll skip all the details of the weekend because no one but me would find them interesting, but it was just a really great time.

Anyway, i'm going to go try and figure out what to do about this problem while I take a shower and wash off God knows what.

azaliariah @ 2005-02-28T14:50:00

2005-02-28T20:03:41Z

I've been changing, but you'll never see me.
Now I'm blaming you for everything.
No more holding it in
How many years can I pretend
nothing ever goes the way it should
No more sitting in this place hoping you might see it my way
'cause I don't think you ever understood
that what I'm looking for are the answers to why these questions never go away
No more waiting for the end of every day that I will spend
wishing that I only had a choice
no more pushing it away
'cause I'll be busy watching things to my way
never looking back on this anymore
watch me wave goodbye to yesterday
Nothing left in my way
I've been saved
with sun shining on my pain
getting me through this day
Feels so good to say
I'm so far away
I've been changing but you'll never see me now
Now I'm blaming you for everything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today's weather sucks!! I hate snow, especially blizzard-condition white outs.
I met with Greg for 2.5 hours today. I hate chemistry, but I must say he's a little
ray of sunshine peeking out from the gloom of hydrochloric and acetic acids.
He's got unlimited patience too, but I dare say I pushed him to his limit today. hehe..
I just don't get this shit we're doing right now, and he seems to think that after
2.5 hours I should have at least a small grasp on it. Ah well.
I only dropped my pencil 3 times this time, but that was because I
couldn't stop shaking.
He's dangerous, lemme tell ya.

I had 6 or 7 people ask me for a cigarette today (and of course I told the smoker's
lie to every one of them) but this one guy gets the award for the worst pickup line
ever.

weird guy: "Hey can I bum a cigarette?"
me: "sorry, I have a lighter, but this was my last one"
weird guy: "Oh that's okay, can I have your number instead?"

The jackass probably doesn't even smoke.

I'm not sure how I did on my NRES exam today..It was eight 1/2 page essay questions in an hour...not real easy. And I studied my ass off for this thing, and I still didn't know a few of them. I bs'd my way through them though. I probably did pretty well. We'll see I guess.

naptime and studying for chem test.

azaliariah @ 2005-02-27T20:41:00

2005-02-28T01:44:13Z

I thought I would take myself on a trip down memory lane by going to CLBCC's website,
but when I looked through the pictures and the took the virtual tour, my entire childhood
came rushing back to me and I started bawling like a 2 year old. I spent hundreds upon hundreds
of hours at that place. It's a part of me, and to be totally truthful I actually miss it for whatever reason.
Lord knows I shouldn't.
Also interesting is that anyone interested in the part time houskeeping position is supposed to
contact joe....did he get demoted? I would laugh.
Anyway, I'm talking to Ashley Hayes online right now (CRAZY I know! I haven't seen her
since 5th grade, and she just called me out of the blue a couple days ago.) So anyway
I just wanted some sympathy for my tears. ;)

swedish fish & BBQ chips

2005-02-27T22:49:15Z

AKA, my dinner.

This weekend was fun. I love weekends when I go home. I got my hair cut and
highlighted on friday, and ran some errands. Then on Saturday I took Reba to Cooper Tire
to get a flat fixed. After that I ran more errands, studied for my NRES exam on monday,
and then hung out with Derek the rest of the day. We had a lot of fun. I saw Donna and she gave me a bag
of swedish fish because she loves me and knows me so well.
I also got to see my nephew stevie and play with him a lot. He's such a cute kid.
I love toddlers.

Only 2 weeks til spring break!! Next weekend I go to Indy for TWS and then the next
weekend I go home!!! yaya.

Well guys I know this is a boring post, but my tutor emailed me and said he was too hungover to meet
with me today so I'm gonna wash and change my sheets and do some studying.

I will lie awake

2005-02-24T17:07:31Z

This is the song josh and I sing to each other every time I'm at skulls.
I love it a lot.

Me Vs. Maradona Vs. Elvis
With one or two I get used to the room
we go slow when we first make our moves
by five or six bring you out to the car
number nine with my head on the bar
and its sad, but true,
out of cash and I-O-U-S.

I got desperate desires and unadmirable plans
my tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent
bring you back to the bar, get you out of the cold,
a sober straight face, gets you out of your clothes
and they're scared, that we know,
all the crimes they'll commit
who they'll kiss before they get home

I will lie awake,
and lie for fun and fake the way I hold you,
let you fall for every empty word I say,

Barely conscious in the door where you stand
your eyes are fighting sleep,
while your mouth makes your demands
you laugh at every word,
trying hard to be cute,
I almost feel sorry for what I'm gonna do
and your hair smells of smoke
who will cast the first stone
You can sin or spend the night all alone

Brass buttons on your coat hold the cold,
in the shape of a heart,
that they cut out of stone
you're using all your looks,
that you've thrown from the start
If you let me have my way, I swear I'll tear you apart
cause its all you can be,
you're a drunk,
and your scared
Its ladies night, all the girls drink for free

I will lie awake,
and lie for fun and fake the way I hold you,
let you fall for every empty word I say

Love taught me to lie, Life taught me to die.

2005-02-23T20:05:37Z

My eyes are green today. I like it when my eyes are green 'cuz they're like,
really light seafoam when they are, but usually they're just dumb old blue.
I haven't figured out the trick of how to control whether they're green or not though.
I think when I wear blue or green or certain shades of brown, they're green (especially
if I'm in the sun or bright light) but otherwise they're blue. I don't know but
I'll take what I can get I guess.

So I ate lunch at the union today (at Villa Pizza), and paid with my boiler express,
so I had my ID, room key,
and lanyard all laying on the tray my food was on (because they're all hooked together)
and I did some studying while I ate. I was still reading when I went to throw my tray away, and I
dumped my ID and everything into a trashcan full of old pizza and pasta. Pretty messy.
So, I did what any self-respecting lady would do. I took off my coat, rolled up my sleeves,
and dived in. The place was packed and people were looking at me like I was insane,
but I had to get it! It's 25 bucks to get a new ID and my truck key and room key were on there!!
It took about 10 minutes, but I found it. Then I ran to the bathroom and washed off the
pizza sauce that was up to my elbows. I kinda need a shower now, but eh, whatever.

Bombed a bio quiz today. No surprise there.
I got the okay from my advisor to take summer courses at IPFW (as many as possible) so I
have to hurry and get registered for those. That's kind of hard to do though when
I don't know where I'm going to be working, and therefore don't know what my work
schedule is going to be, but I guess I'll have to work around my classes.

I'm sooooo excited about the TWS trip next weekend. It's going to be so much fun!
And Jason is being such a sweetheart... I really need to find out if he has a girlfriend.
He's just too damn perfect to be single. It's okay if he does though...everytime I find
a guy like that, I make a mental note. I have a template that I go by in my brain
that (almost) every prospect has to match up to before I'll give them
the time of day. It's a compilation of the best qualities of several very similar
men. It's good. Almost perfected.
I don't want a guy that's PERFECT though. That's no fun. I especially don't like
perfect LOOKING. Model-type guys make me sick. (And nervous...ie: my tutor)

Naptime, then who knows. I've kinda want to watch the Lion King, but I don't
have it here. It's been years since I've seen that. That kind of reminds me
of when Enos came to visit me at my house, and he didn't want to do anything except
watch Snow White...he's such a weird kid.
Anyway, I'll most likely be studying for my bio exam that's coming up next week, I think.

azaliariah @ 2005-02-22T16:58:00

2005-02-22T22:08:10Z

Well the day turned out in my favor I suppose. I get to go to the state conference,
take the chem exam early, AND get to ride with Jason (aka, the man I'm going to marry) and
Dustin. It should be a fun trip. So, I guess I feel better about that. I'm still angry
about how I was treated, but I'll get over it.
Tomorrow I have to meet with my advisor at 8:30 to discuss my summer enrollment at IPFW :(
I don't wanna do that. I have no choice though. It's either that or put off summer
practicum for an extra year, which hardly seems worth it considering it would only be because
of math. So I'll have to work and take classes this summer. What fun. At least I'll
always have my pool to come home to.
I found out that my bank doesn't have a change sorter. How retarded is that? So I have $20 in
change, and I can't cash it. So I have to give it to my mom, and she has to give me a check.
what a pain.
I didn't get to take a nap today. No wonder I'm falling asleep.

Last night was fun. I took hill so we could get our nails done, and then we went out to
eat at Pepe's. We had a really good talk, and I got some stuff off of my chest that had
been bothering me. She was very understanding and gracious, so I really appreciated that.
I'm so glad she didn't decide to go to Manchester or Indiana State. I don't know what
I'd do without her here.

I found out that Kory's apartment building is right across the street from mine next year,
so that's gonna be awesome. He's living with John, so I'll have beer and weed readily available
any time. hehe. Awww fun times.

I think it's funny that I'll post 2 or 3 times a day, and some people post like, once a week at most.
It's insane. I'm such a loser.
Well it's time to go get ready for work. I won't be surprised if something bad happens. That would top off my day.

dammit

2005-02-22T15:48:01Z

I am so pissed off right now it's unbelievable.
After fighting for an hour with Joyce Lytle- head bitch of the
chemistry department, I was shaking so bad you'd thing I was having
a seisure. I seriously thought I was going to hit the woman. I won't go into the details, but satan lives inside that woman.I have never been spoken to with such disrespect or seen such disregard for another person's wishes. So then after fighting with her, I filed a complaint with the Dean of Students, and tomorrow I will be having a meeting with him and the Head of the Chemistry department, trying to get her fired. When I spoke to the dean, I told him that I am utterly disgusted with Purdue, and think all it claims to stand for must be a joke, to employ someone that shows obvious distaste and hatred for students that are trying to further their educations at this institution. I told him that at this point I have no intentions whatsoever of enrolling for the fall semester and will do everything in my power to spread the word to prospective students about how everything purdue tells you is a lie, right from the start.
So anyway, those are my feelings right now. Needless to say I am not in a pleasant mood, and only the bravest among you should attempt to contact me at this point.
I'm going to take a nap now.

Hail Purdue my ass.

something fun

2005-02-20T22:03:41Z

Bold if you've done it

snuck out of the house
gotten lost in your city
seen a shooting star
been to any other countries besides the United States
had serious surgery
gone out in public with your pajamas
kissed a stranger
hugged a stranger
had sex with a stranger
been in a fist fight
had alcohol
laughed and had milk come out of your nose
pushed all the buttons on an elevator
made out in an elevator
swore at your parents
kicked a guy where it hurts
been in love
had a member of the opposite sex tell you they love you
told a member of the opposite sex that you loved them
been close to love
been to a casino
been skydiving
broken a bone
skinny-dipped
skipped school
flashed someone
saw a therapist
played spin the bottle
gotten stitches
drank a whole gallon of milk
bitten someone
been to Niagara Falls
gotten the chicken pox
kissed a member of the opposite sex
kissed a member of the same sex
crashed into a friend's car
been to Japan
ridden in a taxi
been dumped
shoplifted
been fired
had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
stole something from your job
gone on a blind date
lied to a friend
had a crush on a teacher
celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
been to Europe
slept with a co-worker
been married
dated a red head (josh has a red beard, does that count?)
dated a blonde
dated a brunette
gotten divorced
had children
saw someone die
been to Africa
driven over 400 miles in one day
Been to Canada
Been to Mexico
Been on a plane
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
Thrown up in a bar - only in the toilets.
Purposely set a part of myself on fire
Eaten Sushi
Been snowboarding
Met someone in person from the internet
Been moshing at a rock show
Been to a moto cross show
lost a child
gone to college
graduated college
done hard drugs
taken painkillers
love someone or miss someone right now
run at least 12 miles a day
play an instrument
stood up for a so-called "loser" kid in school
at one time collected pokemon
played with pollypocket
had a gigapet
seen yourself naked
rolled down a hill in a barrel
held up traffic for fun

JIMMY JOHNS!!!

2005-02-20T17:11:57Z

Jimmy John's makes me happier than any real man ever could.

Last night was weird but fun I suppose. We started off at Kory's
with Danielle, Amanda, Tim, Kory, Kory, and that hot guy who's
name I can't remember. Then we went to Chi Phi and met up with some
"chocolate men" as Emily would say. That was
really fun, obviously. Then we tried to go upstairs and
smoke Jeff's hookah, but he disappeared and his brothers
came and were mad about something and we weren't sure if
it was us or not so we ran away and caught the bus. Hill and I
went to Jamison's because I refuse to set foot in Phi Sig's ever
again, which is where kari and erin were going. So we let them
go get raped while we hung out with Jamie. We left and went to
pick kari and erin up...couldn't find erin because
she had locked herself in a pantry with some random
guy and wouldn't answer her phone so Hill and I left
pissed and walked home.
Then I slept til 10...derek called to wake me up. I got ready
for work, ordered jimmy john's and here I am. I don't have
to leave for another 30 minutes so I'm just sitting
here dreading it.

that's all

azaliariah @ 2005-02-19T14:29:00

2005-02-19T19:40:28Z

Yesterday was a good day.
I only had 2 classes (the first starting at 10:30) and then hill
and i went to the doctor and went to lunch. I did some laundry and took
a nap which was lovely. Then we all went to kory's to chill with our girls
from home. :) I love em. It was Dani's birthday so we got her tipsy and took
her out. We didn't stay out long, but it was fun. I got to see brad. I love
that kid. He's such a sweetheart. Then we went to Jeremy's house and saw
Lincoln and Caressa. THEN the best part of the night was of course Jimmy John's.
Although it took em over an hour to deliever. Bad JJ. I ate my whole 12 inch,
then I ate the other half of Hillaree's because she didn't want it.
I ate 18 inches of Jimmy John's (don't be gross)and it was heavenly.
I'm in love with him I think.
Tonight makes me nervous but hopefully it won't be a complete disaster.
Chi Phi...yeah it wasn't my idea. I guess we owe it to them since they
got puked on.

I'm excited to go home next weekend. Get my hair done, see my poor doggy.
Maybe Leah will be home!!! I would love to see her too. And I have to go
see Donna because she "has something" for me. weird.
And I think Derek's gonna come chill with me on saturday so that'll be fun. :)
Haven't seen him in ages either.

Well I just got up but I have to go get ready to go to dinner with all the
girls and Erin's mom and gran. It's gonna be interesting.

azaliariah @ 2005-02-16T13:29:00

2005-02-16T18:42:49Z

wellll...
let's see.
Been a few days since my last post, but surprisingly not a lot has happened.
I went ahead and dropped my math class, since I couldn't have passed after
missing my exam, so now MWF I don't have class til 10:30 which is lovely.
7:30's every day were kinda draggin me down a little. I think I'm going to take
MA 223 & 224 this summer at either IPFW or TriState...just to get them over with.
Hopefully they'll be easier than they are here, too.

I'm looking forward to this weekend...
Friday I think we're going to Kory's to chill with our Westview people...they're coming
from all over...USI, IU, Ball State..
it cracks me up how the people who never partied in highschool are all over it now.
So anyway, there'll be a lot of us there so it should be a good time.
Then Saturday I think we're gonna go hang out with those guys we met at the Hookah
(the ones erin puked on ;) ) and they're super sweet and fun and I haven't
seen them since then so I'm looking forward to that.
So yeah, that's my weekend in a nutshell.

tomorrow I have a bio lab practical that I should probably be studying for. ah well.
I've been trying to find a paid internship for this summer, and I've found a few really
good ones, but I have to make at least $4000 this summer, and I doubt I'm going to be
able to pull that off with an internship, so I'm probably going to have to stay
at home again this summer. Which is fine, but it's just the job options around us
are kind of limited to gas stations, restaurants, and factories.
I'll probably try a factory just because it pays so well. It's just for a few months, I'm sure I could survive it.

Next weekend I get to go home (YAY) and get my hair cut and highlighted again. That
always cheers me up a little.
And in exactly 3.5 weeks is spring break. I'm not doing anything, but it'll be really nice
to be able to relax at home for a week. And maybe I can go see some of my out-of-state
friends then too.

Let me just say Dixie Chicks know what's up.
"I can love you better" is a great song.
I would post the lyrics but GOD FORBID somebody think I said it myself!!!! I'd better not.
Just listen to it. It'll make you happy.

Well that's it for now.
Gotta buy some cigs and get this bio practical under control.

Have a GREAT day y'all.

holy cow

2005-02-14T03:33:05Z

Ok since there seems to be some turmoil brewing over this thing..I'd just like to clarify a bit.

For you girls (I'm assuming your girls)that I don't even know that decided to read my personal livejournal that is typically for the benefit of myself and my closest friends, I would like to say I'm sorry for any offense I may have caused you. If by chance you read this again, this post is for you. I've changed all posts that may be offensive to any of you (being in that I'm assuming your either friends of katie or tommy).
Let the records show that

1) I never had nor do I now have any intentions of attempting to "steal" tommy away from katie. I like katie...actually talked to her quite a bit on thursday and she's a great girl. She's got one of those personalities that makes you want to be around her. Sometimes when I'm drunk I may joke with my friends about stealing a guy, but I would never actually do it. (and if I'm talking to my friends..it's really none of your business what i say anyway) I'm glad they're together...I'm glad they're happy, and if they're practically engaged, I think that's great! Not really something I give a second thought to.

2) Yes, I have a crush on him...you'll have that, and he knows that so it's not like it's a secret, although this has been blown way out of proportion. However I know how it is to have someone like your boyfriend, and it's an unpleasant thing, which is precisely why I don't bother him when I'm over there...
Yes I talk to him from time to time, but I don't think that's anything to be upset about. I get crushes on lots of guys..it's something that happens from being a heterosexual. I have never done anything shameful with someone with a girlfriend...and as far as the thing about my "affair" with a married man goes...my friends know what I was talking about, and it was a non-sexual affair. If I had known strangers would be reading this I would have clarified that sooner.

3) I'm sorry, but I'm not going to stop going to skulls. I have friends there, I have fun there, and I've never caused a problem while I was there. Also, I've never said I wanted to "kill" anyone...I don't know what that's about, but it seems pretty ridiculous to me. When I go out, I like to have fun with my friends..I don't mess with anybody or start any fights..I have no reason to. I've never met anybody there that I didn't like, to be honest.

I think that covered everything...if not please let me know so I can clarify that too.

Please don't feel like you have to post "anonymously"...I'm not gonna get mad or whatever, I just want to get this worked out. Also, there's no need to bash me, I don't think you really have a right to do that since you don't know me at all.

And by all means, the next time you see me there...if you've ever seen me there at all which I doubt, or we wouldn't be having this problem...feel free to come talk to me. If there's still a problem, we can discuss it face to face.

From now on I'll try and keep my posts free of offense...

Thanks.

Steph

head over feet

2005-02-13T00:21:39Z

Weekends are lonely for me.
It's crazy how isolated I feel when I don't go out some night.
I didn't go out last night cuz I was so tired and my friends
were sick, and today I'm not as bummed as I could be, but I still
feel a little sad. And if we don't go out tonight I'll probably
be in pretty bad shape. It helped to go out thursday, but since that night
sort of turned out to be a disaster, i don't have that "happy high" that usually
gets me through the next week.
My parents were supposed to come tomorrow, and I was happy because
I miss them, but now they're not. So all I have to look forward to
is a weekend of homework and a week of school.
Next weekend better be kickass.
And for the record, when somebody apologizes to you, whether it be
via aim, facebook, phone, in person, or TEXT MESSAGING, you should
send some sort of confirmation that you RECEIVED the apology so the
person isn't left guessing. And then if they call you after a whole
day of not hearing from you, you should answer your phone and either tell
them to fuck off or tell them everything's okay.
Apparently some people don't realize this, so I thought I'd pass on the
info. Please heed.

Anyway, I need to finish up some reading before I maybe go out. :(
I really need some lovin'.

big ouch

2005-02-12T03:32:00Z

So I met up with my tutor for the first time today. Can we say..."Abercrombie Model"???
GORGOUS. He was totally rockin a pink long sleeved polo...do you know what kind of
accomplishment that is? And his eyes...wow. I have a feeling I won't be passing
chemistry afterall. ;)

Since I'm being a loser and doing laundry on a friday night, I guess I'd better
go check it.

waaahooey

2005-02-04T20:47:05Z

I'm feeling pretty good today. Have I done anything academic? nope, not a thing. BUT I did do the dishes, vacuum, sweep, mop, dust, do laundry, and change my sheets. :) That's the power of a woman, folks because I did most of it simultaneously.
So anyway, I scratched the shit out of my thumbnail today, and I need to get fills already. Time to go see the crazy vietnamese guy I guess.
I get to go on a road trip with TWS in march for the state meeting :) Guess who I get to stay in a hotel with...... that's right. Mr. future husband himself. It's gonna be a grrreat time.

So here's the question of the hour...should i get a chem tutor or not? Because I found a guy that'll do it..I just don't know if I really really need him or not. Our first exam is Monday, so I guess I'll find out then.
I get to see Tara and Katie tonight, so that's exciting! I love those girls..and our crew can always use a few more to help us get into trouble. And then tomorrow I get to go to Skulls...I love those boys. I know everybody makes fun of skulls, but it's more like one huge apartment party all the time rather than a frat and that's why we like it.
Wow, talk about a bitchfest in the laundry room! Laundry's free this weekend and these people get vicious. Even the guys were getting pretty mean. I had to fight somebody for the last dryer and when I went down the next time my clothes were on TOP of the dryer instead of IN it and they were still a little wet. So...I did what anyone would do and took her clothes out and put mine back in and stood there till they were dry.
I cannot be outbitched. I am THE bitch.

That said, I need to at least get my thesis statement written for my 5 page english paper that's due tuesday. I don't even have a topic yet. I could be in some deep shit here.
And then I have to work 5:30-9:00 and then go out with those lovely ladies we all know and love. (hi girls)

Much love and sex to you all...

Tchau (that's portugese for "goodbye"...pronounced like 'ciao'. My roomie taught me that. :) )

some more stuff

2005-02-02T22:34:35Z

Just some thoughts inspired by someone else's LJ....

I think it's really sad when christians never try life outside their faith.
And by that I mean, try life as everyone else lives it. Paul (saul) did...
and it made his church respect him more, because he'd been outside the "jesus box"
and he knew what the real world was like. And I'm sorry, but the
Christians I know attempt to shelter themselves from the real world,
even though they constantly talk about getting out and mixing with the
"non-believers". I'm sorry, but you can go to as many coffeehouses and
public restaurants as you like, but you're not going to get your
full dose of reality until you kick off your goody two shoes and live a little.
God will forgive you no matter what, so take some time off from
Bible thumping and get out there. You might like it.